Okay, bear with me. I'm about to whine like a cry-baby. I hate to do that when there are so many horrible things going on in the world like those tornadoes in Missouri... or those people in Taiwan using brassieres as face masks to protect themselves from SARS... but these little troubles I'm about to talk about are just as destructive in my insulated world.

Firstly, Philip and I watch Headline News every morning when we wake up... as we eat our cereal. One of the segments was about how PayPal was going to stop dealing with adult-themed transactions by the end of June. Hey, wait a minute! I use PayPal on my site! They didn't inform me of this. Plus the reason they give is that there are so many cases of fraud with adult merchandise that they just don' wanna deal with it. But hell, can't they just stop taking additional adult accounts and keep the ones that have been good... and don't have any instances of fraud (like my site!)?!

This may not seem like a lot, but I live in a very precariously balanced world. I have lots of mental and emotional issues, that I mention from time to time in this diary. But they may not seem apparent until something like this happens. It puts me in a state of confusion and depression like you wouldn't believe. I get overwhelmed at the idea of having to solve this problem. But I know I will... with Philip's help, God bless him.

Okay, so that's a pretty big deal in my world. I tried to not think about it for a good part of the day. I knew I could start doing research later tonight... and I have 'til the end of June to make the changes on my site.

But some good things happened today. I hooked up with my friend Les at Le Club. I've known him for years... since Varla Jean Merman and I first started making videos together in Baton Rouge. Les was at every show... taking tons of pictures. He documented a very special time in my life... and in the evolution of the Varla character. Les is very handsome... and funny (you should've heard him singing songs from the A MIGHTY WIND soundtrack!) and it was so pleasant to talk and catch up with him. It was touching.

And on the way home I saw the amazing and beautiful Jonno on the street. He kissed me square on the mouth. I was happy to see him, if even briefly.

But when I got home I had some more troubling news. Cute Dave, one of my old neighbors from my place on Euterpe Steet, called to say that he accidentally opened up one of my pieces of mail. It was a check for $200. I went over there to get it. It was from Cubik Media, the parent company of NakedSword.com, a site that runs streaming clips of my vids. The check was made out to "VidkidTimo presents"... not to my name, "Timothy Ritchie" like all my checks are supposed to be. This sent me into another tailspin. How many of my checks have been sent to my old place and I never got 'em?! $200 is so much to someone who is always on the verge of being poor. It just freaks me out. But I wrote a letter to NakedSword, so I hope they can solve this.

And my last little trauma was when I found out that a cute, sweet boy I met recently has somehow gotten a bad opinion of me. I say to people that I'm used to being dismissed because of what I do and how weird I am... but... it hurts. I don't like to admit that it hurts... but it does. I don't have many friends... by choice. This is part of the reason why. I tend to get misunderstood very often. I'm not evil, dammit, I'm just a little broken. I'm still a person capable of love, friendship... Jeez...

Okay, now I'm gonna put on my brave-face.

Philip came home and told me everything was going to be okay. What would I do without this man? He's so good to me. I love him so deeply. We watched FRIENDS and WILL AND GRACE... and even though I was in a frazzled state, I laughed a few times. And I felt better by the time Philip and I went to bed together.

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