Vidkid Timo's Online Diary

Vidkid Timo's Online Diary

The diary of Vidkid Timo
- boring details of my life -

I knew it would happen eventually. I was trying to be "strong" and focus on the fact that Denny is in a better place (or at the very least, finished with his earthly suffering). But something happened this morning that made me feel the full-impact of the loss of my dear friend.

It was simple, really. I wanted to tell Denny something. I wanted to hear his wise reply... or at least, his concern.

But Denny has died. And even though I believe his spirit is still with me (either in the abstract form of how his love changed me as a human being... or his actual body-free consciousness just beyond a dimensional-veil) Denny's familiar form is no more. I cannot email him or instant message him (or even as much as I hate talking on the phone these days, call him). I cannot get the words, the beautiful words that drew me to Denny, as a friend, in the first place.

This obvious fact hit me like a ton of bricks this morning... and I started crying. I suppose it could be described as blubbering... because I cried so hard that I hyperventilated (thus had trouble breathing).

It didn't last but an hour. Philip was there to hug me. I feel much better now.

But I miss my friend Denny... incredibly.

I mentioned in this diary, many years ago, when Denny first bought me the first Josh Groban c.d. Track number 5 ("To Where You Are") totally sums up my deep connection to Denny. I actually knew when I first heard it that I would cling to the lyrics at the time of Denny's death. I even told Denny so. Here are the poignant words:

Who can say for certain? Maybe you're still here?
I feel you all around me, your memory's so clear.

Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak. You're still an inspiration.
Can it be that you are my forever love and you are watching over me from up above?

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star.
I wish upon tonight to see you smile, if only for a while, to know you're there.
A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen?

As my heart holds you... just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me, everyday.
'Cause you are my forever love watching me from up above.

And I believe that angels breathe;
and that love will live on and never leave.

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star.
I wish upon tonight to see you smile, if only for a while, to know you're there.
A breath away's not far to where you are.

I know you're there.
A breath away's not far to where you are.


The rest of my day was productive. I was finally able to sign online and transfer many more diary entries... and I'm still nowhere near done.

Philip, Scott and I watched "Dancing with the Stars" again. It's such a dumb show, but we enjoy it.

That was my mostly-mournful Wednesday, June 8th, 2005.

email me: [email protected]
get "Varla Videos" on dvd at: www.footlight.com
get "Girls Will Be Girls" on dvd at: www.amazon.com

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2005-06-08

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